This
past month I have read and reread the book No
Drama Discipline by Dr. Dan Siegel. I
was amazed by what I was reading and upon finishing the book I had
two immediate thoughts: every new parent should be handed this book
and any person working in the education sector in any capacity should
be required to read this. This book explains how the brain develops,
how it works and how to relate and support children as they learn to
identify, deal with, and learn from their emotions. The book provides
concrete examples and lessons so the reader has a healthier
understanding of what children are facing on the inside. It shows how
to connect with them, help them to feel safe and how to become
proficient in teaching the most effective lessons.
It can be frustrating when it seems there is nothing you
can do to get through to a child, you’ve exhausted every last
consequence (positive or negative) and you resort to punishing your
child and maybe even engaging in behavior you aren’t proud
of. I will be the first to say that it is hard to admit defeat with a
child and it makes you feel completely powerless. It can become
argument after argument with and sometimes asked myself, “Why can’t
they just listen?”. After trying countless teaching practices and
numerous discipline approaches it has become fairly clear to me that
when emotions are high it is impossible to have clear communication.
While a child is in a state where they are consumed by their
feelings, their actions are emotionally driven. If we fight back with
emotion it will only escalate the situation.
Mindfulness
is something we talk about often and this is a great opportunity to
take a step back and breathe. Practicing mindfulness with children is
important so that when situations arise they are able to self soothe.
In No
Drama Discipline
Siegel
talks about the "upstairs" brain (neocortex - our thinking
brain) and "downstairs" brain (the limbic system -
our feelings brain), and sometimes our brains can become overwhelmed
with feelings such as fear, sadness or anger, and when this happens
it is confusing for children. If they are operating from their
"downstairs" and you are trying to talk to them "upstairs"
they won't hear you.
Giving
children ways to make sense of what's happening in their brain is so
important, but this is a lot of information for them to process. I
like to create stories to better help them understand. For example: I
will use characters that live in a house together, some upstairs and
some down. I tend to give them silly names like frightened Fred and
calming Carl but maybe you can think of your own names with your
child. The
downstairs folk are the feelers. They are very focused on keeping us
safe and making sure our needs are met. Our instinct for survival
originates here. These characters look out for danger, sound the
alarm and make sure we are ready to fight, run or hide when we are
faced with a threat. 
I
would love to hear of ways you may explore the brain with your child!
This is interesting
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