Communication
and the words we use during our day with the children at Tumbleweed,
can be a rich opportunity to offer ways to connect, process feelings,
and even build neural pathways. It is also an important way to hone
in on what we consider the important work in early childhood in
regards to supporting emotional intelligence, relationship building
skills, and identity work.
I’ve
been thinking a lot about the words I use to describe anything to the
children in my care. I spend my days thinking and re-thinking
through everything - it’s how my mind works and a powerful tool in
building my skill and wisdom as a teacher. Recently I began to notice
when talking to the children that at times I added a word or two to
my communication which may indirectly minimize the emotion and
activity of the children. I started to notice that I would say
phrases like, “just”, “a little”, and other qualifying
phrases when I was either describing a child’s emotional state or
their behavior.
“You’re
feeling a little
angry”
“You’re
just
tired”
“They
gave you a little
push”
When
I stepped back to really analyze my intention, I realized that these
small words carry a heavy weight. It also brought to mind the ideal
of childism, an often systematic condition that is prejudicial and/or
discriminatory towards children. I recently came across an article
regarding this topic, which was so beautifully explained by Sara from
Happiness
Is Here
blog:
“You
can likely see examples of childism every time you step out of the
house or open up the internet. Every day, in many ways, children
receive the message that they are less important, less deserving of
respect, unequal, and inferior, whether we mean to send that message
or not. It is so ingrained into our society the majority don’t even
recognize it.”
This
makes me wonder: How do our words, even our unintentional ones, make
the emotions and actions children experience small and
inconsequential? How can we start to see children as fully
human from birth with a full range of emotions?
The
natural answer for me was returning to Magda Gerber, founder of RIE,
who talks about using tools like, sportscasting what you see children
doing, integrating ideas of mindfulness, being objective and
non-judgmental, being an active observer vs active participant,
noticing emotions and actions as I see them, and modeling my own
emotions and actions honestly and truthfully. So by removing the
qualifying words, it transformed my communication with the children
to come from a place of truth and reflection:
“You
are feeling sad.”
“You
are angry that your tower got knocked over.”
“They
hit you! I can see that made you feel _______ (frustrated, angry,
etc).”
Observing
and verbally reflecting, while giving space for their unique feelings
and experiences is the best way for us to support healthy, emotional
intelligence. Our goal always is to show the children in our
care that, “I hear you, I see you, I accept you.” That there is
no emotion that is too powerful that we cannot handle, and we will
give them the best way to process and learn how this is part of their
identity.
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